So, I have come to another realization (there are so many it is hard to type them all out) lately - it seems like I have had a lot of stuff floating around in my head, that I've needed to get out on "paper", but I have just kept it swimming around in there.  So, if you are reading this you probably will come to understand that I am a human being, and probably similar to most humans on the planet - I have weaknesses and imperfections.

     Over the past 2 years or so I have began to wonder if God really did play an important role in my life - if He cared about what was going on in my life, or most important of all, if He was even there.  You may ask how all of this comes about to someone who has already served a mission for the Church, and has grown up in the environment of the Gospel continually being taught to them, but this period of life is a growing, changing, and learning time.  A big part of this that comes to mind deals with me selecting a major.  I have struggled over the last year (about) between picking "the perfect major" for me.  After many heart-felt prayers that I felt were never answered in my behalf, I began to wonder what was going on.  What I have came to realize (or at least I think that this is how it is) is this - this is a time of learning and growing, and making important decisions, such as major selection, spouse selection, job selections, etc.  Because these type of decisions are very important (at least in my mind), I often feel like I am entitled to get much guidance on the matter.  But, from the teachings of the Apostles and Prophets of the Church, I know a few things about prayer.  1. God always answers our prayers. 2. These answers might be yes, might be no, or nothing at all.  3. God answers prayers in His own time and in His own way.  So, in my case I had been getting a lot of "nothing" type answers to my prayers.  But I was reminded of a talk that was given in the recent few years that said something along the lines of this - whenever you pray about something and you feel like you get no answer one way or the other, it  usually means that the decision is up to you - on the other hand, if you make a decision that will not be a good decision, you will usually be notified of that.

     So, let me show you what has happened over the last little while in my life.  I have often viewed my life as a sort of roller-coaster (at least in this analogy it is);  I will have a very special spiritual experience (meaning a time when I have known that God was there, and that he did care for me), which puts me at the top of a big hill in the roller-coaster analogy.  After a while, the "spiritual high" wears off and I get to feeling normal (or even less than normal) for an extended period of time.  (I'm trying to work my way to an axiom of life that I have discovered - Axiom I).  So, as the days, weeks, and sometimes months go by, doubts start to make their way into my head, and that tends to make every aspect of daily life that much harder.  It has seemed to me throughout my 22 years of life, that it is at these points where I feel so low that I cannot continue on that that is when God gives me a "spiritual boost" (whether it be a spiritual experience, someone great entering into my life, or something else that is good (and often-times unexpected) happen to me - adding a measure of happiness into my life).  Now, how does this tie in to anything I have said earlier?  Well, lately it has felt like I have been at the bottom of the roller-coaster of life for quite some time, and doubts and stressors have been bombarding me from every angle it seems for quite some time now.

     I could go on for hours, further explaining the things that I have learned from my recent struggles, but what made me want to write this blog in the first place was sparked by something I read from the Book of Mormon just before I began typing this.  I just started reading the Book of Mormon from the very beginning (it's been a while since I've just read it straight through) and I was struck by this phrase (which happens to lead to another one of my discoveries/axioms (axiom II).  In the Introduction we read, "Concerning this record the Prophet Joseph Smith said: "I told the brethren that the Book of Mormon was the most correct of any book on earth, and the keystone of our religion, and a man would get nearer to God by abiding by its precepts, than by any other book."  During the times of doubt and struggle it would help for us to be doing everything in our lives to stay close to the Savior of the world.  So, leading to axiom II (doesn't that look fancy, roman numerals and all), this is something that I have discovered.... I have often wondered why we are commanded to search the scriptures, to read the same stories over and over again - and what the profit of that might be, but I have discovered something (at least that is relevant to myself).  It is not necessarily the physical act of laboring with our eyes, physically scanning each line that gets us anywhere, in my opinion, it is the act of sacrificing our time out of our daily lives to show God that we are putting him before the other things of the world.  I have come to discover that when we do this, we invite the Holy Ghost to be our personal tutor (by casting off the "natural man" and becoming meek, submissive, humble, basically becoming as a child - not childish, but child-"like")  As we do this, we are creating an environment that will only help us in "get[ting] nearer to God".  So, my Axiom II is this - Although we may gain something from the literal words in the scripture, the real empowering part of scripture study is that we are spending time with our Father in Heaven, and when we do this, we are empowered and guided from on high.  So, I personally feel that the words in the scriptures are important, but the personal relationship we develop with our heavenly Father, and with the Savior and the Holy Ghost is much more important (in regard to guiding our lives in a path that will lead to true happiness).

-Spencer-